| MY WORLD |

Being a Mum;

At times...

I would have my meltdowns, breakdowns, loose wires at any point of time.

I would Cry in silence. I would get Mad out of sudden if things don't go the right way. I would Stone Out in consciousness for a few seconds even while watching the TV. (I'm lucky this happens only once in a Blue Moon and at home)

Most of the time...

I cried silently at night after the #kbrothers are off to bed on days when I just feel 'life is being unfair or unjust' towards me.

But...

After an hour or so...

I would let the thought fly away into space and wait to return someday again.

Switching from negative thoughts to a positive thought have never been easy for me, with the kinda history I have had or even having.

But its always easy when that 'Little Cloud' in me whispered...

'Be Strong for MY Boys!' 'I am chosen for a reason.' 'I've been through worst, what's compared to now?'

YES!

My 'Little Cloud' puts MY Boys first on the list because that's the main reason I am fighting and surviving this 'hell' made partially from others around me.

I don't wanna put the blame entirely on everyone, because I have had the choice. I have the choice to walk away in a situation that I could have had avoided but I chose to stay when I knew exactly that they're just gonna bring me 'Ground Zero'!

But then again...

I have always believed,

People change and Miracles do happen!

People wonder how I manage to handle the #kbrothers all alone.

My secret?

My Mothers.

Yes.

MOTHERS

I have 3 Mothers whom have looked after me since my parents divorce.

Yup. My Mother is a divorcee.

My Mothers are my backbone, my strength in silence.

Mother raised us single-handedly no matter what people around talks about her, her past, her life, her kind of work. But who cares? These people don't feed us isn't it?

✌✌✌

My step-mum and auntie who once raised me, gave me the kind of moral support and encouragement to move forward, accepts me up till today no matter what my situation is now.

I suppose I've been the 'Lucky Black Sheep'.

Counting my blessings against the odds...

What would have I become...

IF...

If I have had abort Lil' Junior during my 11 weeks of pregnancy.

I wouldn't have been a Mummy. I wouldn't be able to be independent on my own. I wouldn't be able to have a companion that I could solely call MINE. I wouldn't know what its like to be a Mummy. I wouldn't know what life is being a Mummy.

Lil' Junior became my first Love, my Hero!

IF...

If I have had abort BabyK during my quarrel with my then other-half.

Yes.

I almost aborted BabyK during my second trimester due to the stress I was facing - mainly due to the people around not understanding my situation and comply to my needs. I was still selfish back then being a Mummy to a lovely boy - Lil' Junior.

BabyK showed me what's life being joyful, cheerful, having the heckcare attitude (2nd child syndrome). BabyK showed me all the reasons to smile no matter what are the obstacles we're put through.

BabyK became my most powerful bubbly little hero who asks,

'Why Mummy?'

Whenever I cry in silence.

The one who's extra clingy and doesn't wanna share me with anyone else.

I wouldn't know what happiness and joy is without BabyK.

IF...

If I had given up all hopes upon Lil' Baby during my second trimester.

(I almost lost Lil' Baby back then)

If I had given Lil' Baby up for adoption.

I wouldn't know the existence of my limitless strength.

I wouldn't know how my temper would be like since he's 100% temperamental like me.

I wouldn't know how strong I could have been.

Lil' Baby became my Baby Princess for me to nurture and groom.

I wouldn't be the Strong, Powerful, Overprotective Mummy without my Love, Heart, Life & Soul...

The #kbrothers!

Many have said or rather thought I'm heartless and cold.

I don't bloody care what you people think or talk about me coz at the end of the day,

NO one feeds Me and my Kids.

NO one helps Me and my Kids.

NO one knows what we're going through.

And you know what?

I am contented and happy to be blessed by the Almighty to be given the trust to raise my very own little beings on my own despite the challenges I'm still being put through right now!

I still thank HIM for believing in me and giving me chances after chances to go through all the obstacles HE puts me through.

IF...

If I had done all the above upon my very own,

What would have I become right now?

Welcome to my Life!

Xoxo

N.A