| My First Born: Lil' Junior |

Today, I just thought of writing up about my very First Born: Khasyi

Just a heads up insight on his little details.

Age I Got Pregnant 👣: 22 Age I Gave Birth 👩: 22 Due Date 📆: 20th June 2013 Day I Gave Birth 🎂: June 2013 Pain Relief 💉: None Time In Labour ⏰: 5+am Time Born ⏰: 11+am Natural or C section 🏥: Natural Birth Weight 🎊: 3+kg 1st Precious 👶 : Lil' Junior

So, this young gentleboy - not - came unexpected.

He came unwanted by someone to which I held back on to and decided to continue giving him a chance to be a part of my life!

So lets have a look at why I love this boy more than my ownself right now, today.

Here's the timeline.

Boy you don't know how blessed I am back then to have him wiggling in my tum-tum!

I had bloated feet throughout my third trimester!

I ate lots of sweet foods - Coca Cola and always crave for Waffle from Scoopz!

I couldn't care less how I look bloated, fat, ugly or even put on 30kg more - just because I wanted to fulfill all of Lil' Junior's cravings!

You finally came home with me after much argument with the doctors because they wanted you to stay a week longer while I am discharged! Grrrrr...

But then, nature took its toll on me and you!

You kept on vomiting (probably due to the haze!) and tried on several formulas but they didn't work on you.

So I searched for the best paeditrician in our area and got hold of one.

Ooi Baby & Child Clinic - I'm not gonna lie, but their fees are extremely expensive.

But I would rather spend that much for you than my bags (Okay! I am still spending for bags now though!)

After much discussion, we decided to feed you Mamil Gold instead (YES! You are one 'expensive' baby for me.)

Though you wanted to be nurse yet I didn't want to coz I wanted to go back to the workforce as soon as my 40 days confinement is over!

I'M SORRY!

You still kept vomiting and your paediatrician decided to refer you to a Professor!

And its not cheap either!

You didn't get any subsidy at all eventhough we were referred to KKH!

But its still okay baby, anything, any amount for you is fine with me.

After few checkups, you're back to normal and I decided to stop sending you to the specialist clinic and continue at your paediatrician instead.

You grew like a round ball being pumped with air!

Nope! You shall follow suit your Daddy and Me who's on the same team - Man U: The Devil's Team!

Before you turned a month old even!

You already knew how to hold on to your own milk bottle!

You kept 'stealing' my bears up till today!

Since young, you were exposed to gadgets and I am very sure you already own more gadgets of your own than I do!

You sat on your own at the age of 9 months turning 10 months old!

You looked charming every morning!

And I definitely miss looking at you every morning eversince I started back in the workforce.

I remembered when you had your first tooth, you started biting me all over!

When you started walking, I let you be independent on your own like me.

I let you choose the stuffs you want instead of me choosing for you.

I make you earn them by doing chores (not so tough but still considered chores though!)

So you know that you will only get what you want by earning them unlike your needs!

Boy did you grow up to be a fine boy who excels really well in school and how you loved and cared for your little siblings from the day they are born.

I just love how you bonded with them daily and always look forward to meet each of them after school!

Hey baby.

Despite how I wished you were that perfect, you still had your flaws.

I kept thinking what makes you super hyper-active.

I did googled for answers and all I get was....

I refuse to believe you are having that symptoms but you did show some of the most common symptoms of ADHD which are:

• impatience (YES!)

• constant motion

• difficulty sitting still (EXACTLY!)

• constant talking (Absolutely!)

• trouble completing tasks (Nope, you always do)

• inability to listen or follow directions when given instructions (At times)

• boredom unless constantly entertained (Yearp!)

• interrupting other conversations (Only to me)

• doing things without thinking or on impulse (Nope, definitely)

• problems learning concepts and materials at school (Baby, you excel in this very well!)

I failed to take notice until you were referred for a Development Assessment by your school board and being me, I agreed to it because I want to help you in anyways I could but darling, I am incapable of doing so.

So the results came and I went to meet the officer yesterday and guess what baby.

They referred you to a Psychology Professor (again?)!

I almost broke down went I saw the letter but I controlled my emotions until the meeting ended and I walked out with a heavy heart.

Your Daddy called to ask what was it all about but I kept my cool and explained.

MY BOY IS NOT A PSYCHO!

So why is he being referred to a Psychology Professor?

What did he do?

Is this really happening right now?

Lots of things was running through my mind but I have no one to share to because I know of no one who's going through the same as me and you darling.

But its okay I told myself, this is another phase for me and you.

And if I had suck it up and tell myself that you had ADHD, maybe you won't be this way and I could have healed you way before.

Yes, I failed on you darling.

I failed to care for you especially on the attention span given.

I always made you study and learn while I close one eye for your other siblings.

I always made you the PERFECT brother and son.

But you do know that I love you more!

YES!

I love my FIRST BORN MORE because with him...

HE MADE ME A MOTHER.

HE MADE ME WOMEN.

HE MADE ME STRONGER.

HE MADE ME BELIEVE IN MYSELF.

HE MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY.

I LEARN HOW TO BE A MOM.

I LEARN HOW TO FEED.

I LEARN HOW TO CHANGE THEM DIAPERS.

I LEARN HOW TO CRADLE SO TIGHT.

I LEARN SO MANY THINGS FROM HIM!

But never did I love the rest any lesser like how I love my very firstborn.

He holds a special place deep in me.

Well baby, we'll walk through this phase together and I promise you, you'll get better each day because I am definitely learning from you too!

But baby...

At times I need to let you go alone because I want you to succeed and no matter how hard it is for me to let you go or let you do things on your own, I HAVE TOO.

And for the past 2 months, THANK YOU for throwing them rubbish every morning for me!

Thank you for wearing diapers for your siblings.

Thank you for bathing your youngest brother.

Thank you for understanding my breakdowns at times.

Thank you for always being there for me!

And baby...

Don't you forget...

I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK!

Baby...

You are my sunshine, my heart and soul, my love, my life!

You are my everything.

My sweet little pumpkin!

For all those who didn't know...

He's my one true love, my first!

Gosh that feeling whenever he's next to me...

Whenever he calls me "Mummy"...

Whenever he says "I LOVE YOU MUMMY!"

No matter how angry I am at you for misbehaving, you always melt my heart every single time!

My love, I can't wait for your upcoming party...

I can't wait to surprise you all over again like I always do each year!

Lots of love,

Your Lioness Mummy