X depression - what its like living with it X
- N.A
- Mar 12, 2019
- 6 min read
"People think depression is sadness, crying or dressing in black. But people are wrong. Depression is the constant feeling of being numb. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again."
When someone says they are depress, most would brush them off saying, "I think you are just tired. Need more rest."
Well darlings, you are wrong because you never ask, " What is wrong?" or even, "Are you okay?"
These are the phrases people who's facing depression wanna hear to come back and fight.
Just these 2 phrases are all that's needed to help someone who have had that courage to confide in you saying they are DEPRESS.
So now you wonder what exactly is Depression.
Depression is a medical condition that affects how people think and behave, and the way they feel and function.
Depression commonly happens to adults who find difficulty coping with certain life stressors.
Symptoms of depression
The essential feature of major depressive disorder is a period of two weeks during which there is either depressed mood most of the day nearly every day or loss of interest or pleasure in nearly all activities. Other potential symptoms include:
Relationship issues, marital woes, financial difficulties, unemployment, life-threatening or chronic illnesses, lack of social support, loss of a loved one, or even personality can make a person prone to depression.
Beyond just sadness, depression interferes with how you engage with people and day-to-day life.
You may be suffering from depression if you experience five or more of these symptoms every day for two weeks or longer.
The acronym “SAD CAGES” can help you better remember these symptoms:
S – Sleep disturbances
A – Appetite change
D – Depressed mood of feelings of sadness over a sustained period of time
C – Concentration problems
A – Anhedonia: Loss of interest in enjoyable activities
G – Guilt or shame
E – Energy and enthusiasm low
S – Suicidal thoughts due to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
More than feeling down or being sad, depression may affect a person's interest in activities, work and quality of life.
IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE!
ANYONE...
Depression can affect anyone—even a person who appears to live in relatively ideal circumstances.
Several factors can play a role in depression:
Biochemistry: Differences in certain chemicals in the brain may contribute to symptoms of depression.
Genetics: Depression can run in families. For example, if one identical twin has depression, the other has a 70 percent chance of having the illness sometime in life.
Personality: People with low self-esteem, who are easily overwhelmed by stress, or who are generally pessimistic appear to be more likely to experience depression.
Environmental factors: Continuous exposure to violence, neglect, abuse or poverty may make some people more vulnerable to depression.
Of the 121 million people suffering from depression worldwide, an estimated 5.8 percent of the Singaporean population are affected by it.
Well, I am 1 of this 121 million people.
But then, the good news is, depression can be treated, especially if help is sought early.
Managing Depression
You can keep depression at bay by making a few lifestyle adjustments and taking active steps to improve and manage your mood. Because your mood is influenced by your thoughts and actions, it's a good idea to pursue activities that you enjoy so as to lift your mood.
Some of these activities can include:
Spending time with friends and having fun.
Making time to relax and enjoy yourself.
Taking care of your physical health, such as engaging in a physical activity you enjoy, eating a balanced diet and getting enough sleep.
Organising your time so you feel in control.
Finding things to laugh about.
Sharing your feelings with others, or writing them down in a journal to help clear your thoughts.
Pursuing activities that you enjoy and are interested in.
Learning ways to manage stress effectively.
Focusing on the things to be grateful for in life.
Practising acts of kindness which also helps to boost positive emotions
TREATMENT
Psychotherapy, or “talk therapy,” is sometimes used alone for treatment of mild depression; for moderate to severe depression, psychotherapy is often used in along with antidepressant medications. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been found to be effective in treating depression. CBT is a form of therapy focused on the present and problem solving. CBT helps a person to recognize distorted thinking and then change behaviors and thinking.
Psychotherapy may involve only the individual, but it can include others. For example, family or couples therapy can help address issues within these close relationships. Group therapy involves people with similar illnesses.
Self-help and Coping (This actually works for me!)
There are a number of things people can do to help reduce the symptoms of depression.
Regular exercise helps create positive feeling and improve mood.
But not for me since I can't seem to sweat else I'll faint. But I do enjoy brisk walks or long walks. That counts too! Hehehe.
Getting enough quality sleep on a regular basis.
Last photo though!
Kidding!
Eating a healthy diet and avoiding alcohol (a depressant which I have long leave) can also help reduce symptoms of depression.
Coping on my own was never easy with the clingy boys but I gotta do what I gotta do every single day!
They are my strength and each day I wake up to...
The thing I learn from my depression episodes are...
Giving my own self the kind of encouragement I need.
No matter how many times sometimes talk to me to get myself out...
No matter how others are trying to help me...
But if I refuse to help my own self and change my own self, I will not come out and fight the demon in me.
I start to think...
Why can I not love myself?
Why am I not loving myself more than that I deserve to be loved?
Why am I depressed for someone who's no longer there.
Why do I love others so much instead of myself who needs all the love I have in me.
Ohhhhh...
In case you haven't realize.
I do suffer from depression back then.
(Though some people claimed that I was BiPolar without even knowing me 100% well because these people don't deserve the better side of me actually! *roll eyes*)
I was depressed when I was left alone.
I was depressed most of the time.
I had to leave!
I can't sleep.
Leave home not knowing that out there, its gonna be miserable and more depressing.
I can't stand being home. Even if I do, all I wanted was to lie down doing nothing and watch movies!
And yes, it seems like Mother now knows I am depress if all I do is watch movies few days straight, not doing anything else except fetching, sending and cooking for the boys.
But what exactly makes me depress when it seems that my life is all perfect right?
Because the problem with depression is...
You know you'll be okay, but you still feel awful.
You know people love you, but it doesn't feel like they do.
You know doing something will make you feel better, but you just don't know how to.
You want to be well, but you just can't seem to get there.
Plus body shaming, cyber bullying, bullying by itself or even name callings are some of the causes that may lead to depression.
I hated myself.
I wanted to look good every minute.
I hated pretty girls.
I hated those who were flocked by boys.
I hated life!
I've learnt the hard way because I went through all mentioned above since my teenage years.
(Errrr...if any of you are reading this, trust me when I say I have not forgiven any of you. But thanks to each one of you, I am stronger, came out of hiding and made it through.)
And no one have realize how I tried to keep myself occupied further into my OCD when all I do every single day is to clean and wash, clean and wash!
Just to fight those demons in me!
I'm just so sick of hiding and trying to make it seems like I am okay.
I kept going because I hated those demons in me.
But then today and always...
Hey YOU!
Those of you who thinks you cannot cope, unable to survive, your life is not getting any better.
YOU who feels ashamed.
YOU who have low self-esteem.
YES YOU!
Hear me say...
STOP being unhappy with yourself because you are PERFECT!
STOP wishing you looked like someone else or wishing people liked you as much as they like someone else.
STOP trying to get attention from those who hurt you.
STOP hating your body, your face, your personality, your quirks - LOVE THEM because without those things, YOU wouldn't be YOU!
And why would you wanna be anyone else?
BE CONFIDENT with who you are.
SMILE, it'll draw people in.
If anyone hates on you because you are happy with yourself then you stick your middle finger in the air and say...
SCREW THEM ALL!
MY HAPPINESS will not depend on others anymore.
I'm happy because I love who I am.
I LOVE my flaws.
I LOVE my imperfections.
THEY make me, me, me.
And...
ME IS PRETTY AMAZING!
Now go on dancing on those broken glasses, build castles with shattered dreams and wear your tears like PRECIOUS PEARLS because you are...
PROUD.
STRONG.
UNSHAKABLE!
Thank you for your time reading and I really hope you shall be free like a pretty butterfly soon, just like I do!
Always remember that you are beautiful and fee.
No one matters like you do!
Love,
N.A
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